The Matchmaker and the MixUps
by VampsofTwatlight
Summary: When the Cullens celebrate Nessie's first birthday, pirate-style, Emmett, Jasper and Edward get more than they bargined for. AU, POST BD, LEMONS for the PIRATE TALKING CONTEST
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: We don't own Twilight. That is all. **

**The Pirate Talking Twilight Contest**

**Ahoy Thar Me Hearties! I brings to you the following argh...**

**The Matchmaker and the Mix-ups**

**Pairing/Threesoming/Grouping: Edward/Rosalie Bella/Jasper Alice/Emmett Alludes to Carlisle/Esme/Carmen/Eleazar**

**POV/S: ****Carlisle/Emmett/Jasper/Edward /Esme**

**Word Count: ****8111**

**Rating... what Rating? We're all grown ups here right?!**

**If'n ya need a rating on arrr story, then ya ain't ne'er read arrr works. **

**This one-shot is for the above mentioned contest held by the Fournikaton Foundation and its members Bemylullaby, Nostalgicmiss and Miztrezboo. Please see the Fournikation Foundation profile for details and other awesomeuberiffic entries located at the Fournikation Foundation's C2 (links on contest holders profiles also). **

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AN: Holy crap, you guys! Three busy authors, four lemons, and enough pirate talk to raise the Titanic! What the hell is this? Why...It's our entry to the Pirate Talking Contest! We slaved over this one, so, please, show us some love on the way out, savvy?

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Carlisle POV

I sighed as I took in the garish decorations adorning the whole of Isle Esme. When my lovely granddaughter said she wanted a pirate themed party for her first birthday, of course, Emmett and Alice had gone crazy with the décor. Emmett, because the boy loves _anything _to do with pirates. And Alice, because, well, my daughter was just…Alice.

Edward snorted. "You can say that again."

"Oh, Eddie! Don't be such a sullen Cullen!" Emmett chirped as he came running out wearing a pair of pants that looked to be well worn, boots, and a huge belt that held a genuine flintlock pistol and a cutlass. I sighed again. I had the feeling our 'family vacation' this year was going to be a long one.

Thankfully, I'd done what most people might consider to be extreme…I'd bought an additional island. Isla BAJERE was a larger island than Isle Esme, but with six vampires residing on it, it was easy to see why we would need a larger one. Esme had outdone herself, building three beautiful houses on it for our children.

I smiled as I thought of the name I'd easily come up with. Rosalie…well, she still wasn't happy with it. It was an easy enough acronym to remember. It was the first initial of all of my children, starting from newest, Bella, to first, Edward. Rosalie didn't like the fact that it started with a "B" instead of an "R" but Jasper, my peacemaker, had informed everyone how stupid it would sound if it was "Rajebe" which had Emmett snorting like a twelve year old boy looking at his first "Playboy" magazine.

Edward groaned at my internal monolog and I said, _then my suggestion is to stay out of my head, son. _

"Yes, dad." He replied dourly. He wasn't thrilled about this. Oh, he'd do anything for Nessie, but he wasn't thrilled with the fact that Jacob had accompanied us. Nor was he terribly thrilled by the fact that Bella and all the girls were dressed as lusty wenches. And I didn't even have to mention the fact of how much he despised that he had to walk around talking like a pirate to appease his daughter.

I caught Jasper smiling over something Alice was telling him and he sent out waves of excitement to everyone.

"Alright, people!" Alice said with a giggle. "It's time for the scavenger hunt! Esme, if you please…?"

Esme handed me the scrolls that held the boy's maps to their 'treasure'. "Do you remember which boy gets which scroll?" She asked me. Each was tied with a different ribbon.

"Yes, Esme. I'm a vampire. Excellent memory, remember?"

She smiled sweetly. "Yes, dear Carlisle, but you have a penis, and as such…"

The girls cackled, well, all but Renesmee, who was building a sand castle on the beach with Jacob. The two of them were staying with Esme and I while the six others went on a slightly more "adult" fun time off on their hunt.

"Okay, boys, here are your maps. You are to find one item each before you leave this island. Once you find your items, you may continue on to Isla Bajere."

"No." Emmett said flatly.

I sighed again, wondering, not for the first time, if it was possible for vampires to get migraines. "No, what, Emmett?"

"We can't just _go _over to Bajere."

"Why not?" Jasper asked with a smile.

"B-because! We're fucking pirates of the high sees! We's be needin' a boat, arrgh?"

Edward rolled his eyes. "Please. This is utterly ridiculous. We don't need to _breathe,_ Emmett! We can just _walk _over to the next island. It wouldn't take us long, just as fast as if we went by boat…"

"But it's not the _same,_" Emmett whined. Honestly, sometimes I wondered if I had turned him at two, or _twenty two _as he claimed he had been in his human life.

"Please don't as that question aloud, dad." Edward said.

Alice grinned. "Damn it, Edward. I wanted to see that reaction in Technicolor."

Edward chuckled. "Watch it, pixie-dust."

She smiled. "You'll have fun before the day is over! Trust me!"

"I would if you weren't hiding everything from me!"

"You need a lesson in patience, Edward."

Bella snorted. "My husband doesn't _do _patient!"

Jacob snorted this time. "I think you've got that backward, Bells."

Edward's eyebrow rose. "Oddly enough, you're right, Jacob."

Bella stuck out her tongue to her husband. "Come on, girls," She said, winking at Edward. "We have to prepare for our pirates, aye?"

"Aye!" Rosalie and Alice called. They bound their way to one of the small boats we had docked and they boarded.

"Come find us, ye scurvy dogs!" Alice called.

"Come find ye a bounty ye've never seen such likes!" Rosalie said, lifting her skirt to show off a bit too much leg.

"Aye, yer lusty wenches be a waitin' for ye!" Bella called as they started the motor and headed in the direction of the other island.

Emmett smiled and grasped his sword. "What say ye, me hearties? Care for a bit of a sword-fight before we begin our quest?"

Jasper smiled. "Aye!" He replied.

I just shook my head as I watched the scene unfold.

"Get ready to meet Davy Jones' locker, ya mangy bilge rats!" Emmett screamed, brandishing his cutlass, swinging it wildly through the air.

"Nay, me thinks it is yer blood that will be spilled upon these sandy beaches 'for the day is through." Jasper retorted. He threw his sword to the ground and pulled a boarding axe from his belt as well as a small dagger from his boot and started circling Emmett.

I noticed that Edward was standing more passively to the side.

"Ummm… guys don't you think this is a little childish?"

"Don't be such a landlubber, Edward. This is fun." Emmett and Jasper were taking swipes and jabs at each other, the blades no more effective than if they had been playing with the soft foam ones Nessie and Jake had used earlier.

"Well, you two look silly." He stuck his sword into the sand, readjusting the bandana tied around his neck.

I watched as Emmett and Jasper ceased their fight and turned to stare down Edward.

"So ye wish to refrain from swordplay, now do ye, Edward?"

"Yes, Emmett. I do."

"That be a shame, maggot. Me told ye, he didn't have the makings of a pirate. Me thinks if he knew our little secret, he may be inclined to take up his sword."

"What are you talking about, Emmett?" Edward asked warily.

"Me lovely wench and I had quite the grand adventure on yer piano before we left."

I watched in horror as Emmett obviously opened his mind to Edward.

"You and Rose fucked on top of my new Baby Grand? No wonder you have had Pretty Woman stuck in your head the past two days."

"Aye. Though it not be a drop in the bucket as to what ye seaman Jasper did in yer bed whilst ye were shopping for yer lasses birthday present."

Dear Lord this was not going to be pretty.

Edward looked shell-shocked for about a tenth of a second before he screamed, "Arrrrrgh!!" He grabbed his sword and rushed the other two. Jasper wielded both his ax and dagger, effectively holding off Emmett on one side and Edward on the other. It was a fair match between the three with Jasper's fighting skills, Emmett's pure strength and Edward's ability to foresee each of their moves.

"There ye go, ye scallywag. Fight like a man." Emmett teased.

I allowed the fight to go on for several minutes, finally pulling my flintlock pistol from its holster and firing at Jasper. The bullet hit its mark, crumbling like powder upon impact.

"Boys, as much as it pleases me to see you reenacting scenes from Pirates of the Caribbean, I believe you have some lovely wenches awaiting your arrival. And you still haven't found your three items. I believe it is never smart to leave a maiden alone too long. You never know when another pirate might come and spirit her away."

"Aye, Aye, Captain Hot Bitch. We be on our way to capture said lasses." Jasper said sheathing his dagger and axe.

If possible, I would have blushed as bright as Bella in her human days. I was more than a little embarrassed at the nickname some of the nurses had bestowed upon me at the hospital.

I watched as my three sons opened up the first map that held the clues to the items they needed to procure before leaving the island.

"Take twenty paces east from the place where you can try and touch the sky, there you will find an item that used to fly." Edward read out loud.

"What does that mean?" Jasper asked.

At that moment a loud shriek pierced the air. "Higher, Jakey, higher." Nessie screamed.

We all ran to the swing that Esme had tied to a tree behind the house. Jake was pushing a very enthusiastic Renesmee as high as she could go.

"I feel like I can touch the sky." She squealed.

All three boys looked at each other and started walking towards the east. I followed behind, seeing if they could find the item.

"I found it." Emmett yelled.

In his hand he was holding a large purple feather, a plume that could be stuck into a hat. Tied around it was a purple ribbon that matched the one tied around Jasper's map.

"I think you might be needing this." He said, handing it to Jasper.

Jasper tucked it into his hat, as not to damage the fringe. He unrolled the clue map and read the next clue.

"Follow the sand, till the rocks hit the sea, there ye will find something for below the knee."

"There is a huge formation of rocks about a quarter mile down the beach." Edward said taking and studying the map once more.

"Last one there is a cockswain." Emmett yelled.

"You do know that is not as bad as it sounds, right, Emmett?" Jasper asked.

"I don't care what it means, I just like saying cock." Emmett said taking off down the beach.

Edward, being the fastest, beat us all there. He searched around the rocks finally pulling out a peg leg with a large red ribbon tied around it.

"That one must be mine." Emmett said grabbing it from Edward. "I can only imagine what I am going to get to do to with this. " He said waggling his eyebrows.

"Come on, guys, one more to go and then you can go find your wenches."

We made our way off of the rocky shores and stood back on the sandy beaches of our island. Emmett was trying to figure out how to work his peg leg on himself without actually breaking it apart.

"Me thinks ye goin' t' break ye wooden leg, ye lubber."

I chuckled at Jasper and Emmett, both trying to figure out a piece of wood. Emmett was determined, I'll give him that. But when you weigh more than anything a piece of flimsy wood could hold up, the cause is pretty much useless.

"Em, you're going to break it." Edward was pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to make Emmett see reason. Probably also trying to block out his thoughts. I sighed as I looked over my oldest son. He really should try to take that stick out his ass.

"Carlisle! Please, not you too!"

"Sorry, son. I tend to think what I want in my head. You know that. I suggest you stay out."

To make my point, I thought of Esme, dressed in a stunning black lingerie number…her hair down, her lips bright and puffy, having just sucked on my…

"Goddammit, you people are impossible. I'm out of here."

I ran after him, having Jasper and Emmett follow. I turned to look and Em was hopping on one leg and from a distance, it actually did look like he had a peg leg.

Although…

"Em, take it off! I can hear it cracking underneath you now!" Jasper hurriedly yanked the wooden piece off of him. And right on time too. A slight crack was starting to form.

"Whew. Just in time. You know, I think this might make a better souvenir than anything else."

Edward finally slowed down enough for me to catch up to him. "Son, you don't even know where you're going. Did you look at the next clue to figure out the last object?"

He came to a full halt, the rest of us following behind. "Actually, no I didn't. If all of you are done being asses, I'll check."

I could hear snickering behind me, probably trying to annoy Edward again as he took the map Jasper offered. He looked it over and spoke about where to go next.

"Alright, it says here: "_There are no more paces to go. No more places to search. The last and final item is found on the person that is the least fun to be around. You know, the one that has a longstanding, never gonna change, stick up his ass. The object is made out of cloth and is dark blue in color…'"_

Oh boy.

"Me thinks she be talkin' 'bout ye, me hearty." Emmett put in.

"Ay…ye be the stick up the ass she be describin'." Jasper snickered out.

"Now boys, let's calm down…"

"Who wrote this, anyway?"

"Do you really have to ask?" Jasper replied, giving Edward a pointed look.

"One of these days, that little pixie is going to…"

"Okay, okay, look, let's find this article that Alice was talking about. Now Edward, let us look you over."

He stood still as we each took a side and scanned him. The only thing we were able to come up with was the bandana.

"A bandana? What the hell am I going to use this for?"

"Who knows? Knowing Alice, it could be anything."

"Our wenches be waitin fer us, ye bilge rats. Let us board our mighty ship of Mischief an' hoist the colors!!"

And with that, Emmett took of at a dead run followed by Jasper. Edward turned to look at me and said, "Must I?"

"Yes, you must. Come on, Edward. Have some fun with your brothers. Besides, something tells me you won't want to miss this."

And with that, he too, ran after them and boarded the boat, er, ship.

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Emmett POV

Jasper piloted the boat in next to the dock. "See you losers later, I'm off to find some pirate pussy!" I said, jumping out and hitting the beach fifty yards away.

"Arrrgh!" Jasper called after me.

I took off like a ruptured duck, making my way through the underbrush, trying and failing not to giggle like a girl. Rosie had been fairly tolerant with me in my…stupidity. But come _on_! It's fucking _pirates _for crying out loud! I LOVE pirates! I've _always _loved pirates! Even as a human boy on the farm, my brothers and I would play pirates in the creek and/or pond, using a small row boat as a pirate ship, taking turns making each other 'walk the plank'.

So, when Edward and Jasper actually indulged me in the sword fight, I almost flipped my lid. That was so fuckawesome. Everything about this trip was. I was _soooooo_ glad I talked Nessie into this! _Oops, better keep that to myself. Edward will kill me._ I let out a snort. _Good thing I'm already dead._

I glanced at my map one more time, just because, and tucked it back into my pocket. _Okay, my prize should be right about…_I broke through the trees into a small clearing and found… "Alice?"

She smiled from where she lay, naked, upon a blanket. "'Ello, Cap'n Emmett of the mighty ship of Mischief. Be ye lookin' for a fine wench 't whet yer appetite?"

My eyes grew wider. "What the fuck are _you _doing here?"

Her lower lip pouted out. "You boys aren't working with us. Between you and Edward…"

"Where _is _Edward?" I asked.

She smiled and tapped her forehead. "Don't worry about it. I've got this."

"Alice…" I warned, even as my body responded to her.

Her smile grew. "Arrgh, and that be a fine weapon ye got in your britches, boy. Be it somethin' me could enjoy?"

I think my eyes wanted to fall out of my head at this point. I almost wanted to pop them out and dust them off just to make sure the heat of the island wasn't getting to me. But that didn't happen to vampires, did it? "Aye," I said softly, trying to find my pirate-speak in amongst my jumbled thoughts. "Be ye approvin' this with me wife?"

She smiled. "Yer wife be findin' pleasure with another, yes. Me thinks ye need ter get yer cur ass over here and ravage a wench."

I let out a snort. Alice looked entirely too cute laying there and my cock swelled all the more. "Aye, me hearty." I undressed and her eyes grew a bit wider. Surely she'd seen me naked in one of her visions before, but even I knew I was all the more impressive live and in person. "Prepare to be boarded." I said as I dropped down next to her.

She whimpered slightly as I hovered over her. "Those be some fair lovely jubblies ye got there, Alice."

She giggled and then moaned as my lips descended to feast upon her nipples. I could smell her desire growing and felt her dampness brush against the foreskin of my cock. I kissed her lips. "Are you sure everyone is okay with this?"

She closed her eyes and I knew she was looking to our futures. "Your wife is being fucked blindfolded by Edward. I think she'll be fine with it."

My eyebrow rose. "Ed_wad _and Bella are in on this?"

She smiled. "Oh, yes. Jasper knew what I was planning. So did Bella. Only…"

"Only what?" I asked.

She giggled. "Only Jasper thinks he's going to have to talk Bella into it."

I laughed and we both whined as the movements caused some interesting friction. I had to be in her. Now. "Slow or fast, Ali?" I asked her. This was new for me. New for her. At least, I think it is. Who knew? Jasper had seen and done a _lot _in his undead life before joining our coven. They could be swingers for all I knew.

Her eyes took on a mischievous glint as her tiny hips bucked into mine. "I'm a vampire, Emmett. I won't break."

I grinned. "So…fast then?"

She didn't answer, merely wrapped her legs around me and took me in.

I let out a hiss as I felt her slight heat envelop me. "Fuck, Ali!" I growled.

"Emmett!" She screamed, her nails digging into my back.

I flipped us so I was on my back and I watched as she hovered over the top of me, now, bouncing happily on my cock. I groaned and shut my eyes so I didn't blow my load right then and there.

She let out a giggle. "Come on, Emmett. I want you to fuck me. Fuck me harder than you've ever fucked anyone ever before."

I growled as I scooped her up and pressed her into a tree. "Ye be wantin' a fucking?" I asked her.

I felt even more moisture gather around my cock as she grew all the more aroused. "Aye." She said with an evil glint in her eye.

"Then ye be gettin' yer wish." I said as I slammed her into the tree, thrusting into her roughly.

"God! Yes!" She cried, her hands fisting in my hair.

"Fuck…Alice!" I growled again, bucking my hips at a now very near vampire speed.

"Yes, yes, YES!" She continued to cry as she came around me, drenching my cock in her venom.

I licked her ear as I thrust, then dipped my head to where her pulse point would have been. I sniffed her neck, smelling the venom that lay dormant in her veins just below the surface. "You smell good." I said.

"I taste better." She replied smugly.

I snarled and attacked her, sucking on her neck, drawing out her venom. It tasted faintly of the ocelot she'd eaten last night when we all hunted and I moaned at the combination in flavor.

My hand dipped down to her clit, rubbing it furiously, but at a fast human pace, driving her crazy. "Emmett…" She whined.

I pulled away from her neck, licking the wound, sealing it. "Yes?"

"More, gah…need…more, please…?"

I smiled. Oh, how I loved having a woman at my mercy. "Hard?" I asked her again.

"YES!" She screamed, her nails now threatening to remove chunks of my flesh as she tore at my back.

I grasped her around the waist and started thrusting all the harder before I dropped us back to the ground, twisting her so she was under me while I straddled her left leg. She twisted her upper body so she was looking at me and I bent down to kiss her again and felt her right hip dislocate. I moved to stop but she growled again. "You stop and I'm going to detach your balls!"

My eyes widened as I nodded. "Aye, aye, Miz Alice." I started moving faster again, grabbing that right leg, using it for leverage as I now thrust into her with a vampire's pace. We would have been a blur to everyone, even other vamps as fast as we were moving. She started moaning in pleasure as she began her climax again and I knew there was no way I could stop. "Al…ungh…God…ungh…per-…fuck. Permission to cum aboard?"

"YESSSSS!" She screamed so loud I could have sworn they heard her back on Isle Esme. I felt sure our brothers and sisters heard us as well.

I pumped every bit of venom into her and I almost felt _weak _as I finished. I fell back to the sand and said, "Holy shit."

I looked over at her and saw that she was looking confusedly down at her body. I looked too…now in horror as I realized what I still held. Her right leg. It had…come off. I'd just fucked her leg off. I looked at her in horror before we both started laughing like idiots. Maybe this whole switching thing could start happening more often…perhaps _without _loss of limbs though.

We managed to stop laughing and I said, "I guess I know what the peg leg is for."

She snorted. "I've got the _best _idea, Em…"

Famous last words.

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Jasper POV

I took one last look at my map and headed in the direction of my treasure. I couldn't believe we were going to do this. When Alice had told me that I would be meeting Bella this afternoon instead of herself, I was more than a little worried.

I knew that Edward and Bella had only been intimate with each other and even though I had more than a few female and male conquest while I was in Maria's army, there had been no one besides Alice since she found me.

She had assured me that this would bring us all closer together and that she was perfectly fine with sharing me as she was planning on having quite the afternoon with Emmett. She also warned me that while she was receptive to the idea, I may need to help ease Bella into the situation.

I plucked a beautiful bright pink plumeria and wound my way through the foliage, finally ending in a shaded clearing. Blankets of silk covered the ground, along with a treasure chest, overflowing with colored gems and necklaces.

"Bella." I called softly.

I heard the rustle of leaves and watched as she stepped out from behind a large palm tree.

Holy fucking shit!

Bella had changed from her wenches' costume into an extremely sexy captain's outfit. She had a tiny skirt that ended just below her ass, topped by a corset that pressed her gorgeous bosom out the top. The final touch was a pair of thigh high boots, complete with brass buckles and a large hat cocked over one eye, covering her mahogany curls.

"Ahoy there, matey. Me thinks ye be aft me treasure." She pulled her sword from the sheath at her side and I felt my cock twitch.

"Ummm…nay me lady. Me wishes only to present ye with a token."

I held the flower out to her which she took and inhaled deeply.

"It's beautiful, Jasper."

I took another step forward and she remembered her persona, leveling the sword at my chest.

"Me thinks ye be wanting to plunder me booty."

So Miss Bella wants to come out and play. This could make for quite the interesting afternoon.

"Aye, Captain."

"Then perhaps ye need to walk the plank." She took another step closer and the tip of cutlass touched my chest.

"Nay, Captain anything but that." I could smell her arousal permeating the air and it made my cock leap to attention.

She placed one dainty foot in front of me, her sexy leg stretching up ending at what I could only imagine heaven would taste like.

"Kiss me boot."

I lowered to my knees and placed her foot on my chest, placing a kiss at the buckle. At this angle I could tell she had nothing on underneath that short skirt.

"Captain, me thinks I could find better places to kiss." My hand snaked up to the top of her boot, barely brushing the exposed flesh.

"Aye, but do ye have something from yer afternoon plunder to trade?"

I though back and swiftly pulled the large feather from my rucksack.

"You are quite the scallywag, Jasper." She took the large plume and tucked it into her hat.

By this time my fingers were gently dancing across her slick folds, waiting for permission to enter.

"Aye, Jasper. The booty is yers to plunder."

I hooked my finger into her skirt and watched it flutter into two pieces around her feet. Next was the corset. One tug and it joined the skirt, leaving her only in those glorious boots and hat.

"Fuck. You are so beautiful." I whispered as my head dove between her legs.

She threw one leg over my shoulder, winding her fingers through my hair.

"Mmmm…so good. There right there." Her words filtered through the trees as she pulled my head deeper into her.

She was panting and moaning as I ravished her with my tongue. I added two fingers as she threw her head back and screamed towards the sky.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuck!!"

I felt her clench around my fingers as she filled my mouth with her juices. I pulled my head back gasping for air that I truly didn't need.

Slowly, she grabbed those two fingers and placed them in her mouth, sucking the wetness from them. It took all my self control to not cum in my pants like a teenage boy instead of the hundred plus year old vampire I was.

"Me thinks you are wearing entirely too many clothes." She said as her fingers worked the belt holding my trousers.

I pushed her to the ground, straddling her naked form.

"This be mutiny." She whispered.

"Aye, Captain."

I pulled my shirt over my head and dropped my pants, allowing her a moment to take in my full form.

"Blow me down, therst be a Moby Dick on the horizon." She let out a small giggle and I was blown away by how sexy she could be one moment and innocent the next.

She lowered her eyes and I couldn't wait another moment to have myself enfolded in her warmth.

I pushed into her and let my feelings of lust and excitement envelope her.

"Oh, Jasper, more," She panted.

I allowed my tongue to enter her lips and she returned the kiss with great fervor as I pushed into her.

"God damn it, Bella. So fucking tight."

I pounded into her relentlessly. She hooked her feet around my back, pulling my cock even deeper into her as her back arched away from the ground.

Her hands snaked into my hair as she dragged my ear to her lips. Her tongue swirled around my ear, sucking the lobe into her mouth. "Cum with me, Jasper. Right now!"

I felt her walls clench around me, milking me, and I couldn't hold back any longer. I filled her with my venom as she bit down on my shoulder.

What she did next though surprised the hell out of me.

She pushed me off, diving between my legs, pulling my half limp cock into her mouth, sucking off the remnants of our love making.

_Lucky, lucky, Edward._

It only took a moment before I was hard again. Her tongue swirled around my dick as her teeth lightly grazed the underside of my length. I pulled the hat from her head, allowing her long curls to cascade around her shoulders.

"Yes, darlin'. That's it. Take all that cock in your mouth."

She sped up her ministrations and I felt myself began to tighten up.

Just as I was fixing to finds my release she slipped one finger in my ass, curling upwards as I shot my load down her throat.

"Oh fuck, fuck, fuck!" Was all could mutter as I came down from the incredible feeling.

She looked up at me from under hooded eyes and I pulled her to me for a deep kiss.

"That was amazing." I muttered into her lips.

"Aye. That it was."

Somewhere in the distance, I heard Alice shout, "YESSSS!" and I couldn't help but grin. Guess we really weren't the only ones out having fun today.

Bella must have heard and pulled herself to a sitting position, her body moving away, even though her emotions wished to stay in my arms. I longed for that too. I didn't want this to be over yet. But shy Bella reared herself as she pulled my discarded shirt over her head.

"Bella, are you okay with all this?"

She gave me a beautiful smile.

"Actually, I am great. I love all of you. Edward and I love all of you. This is just another way to express it."

"So I take it I won't have to worry about Edward slicing off one of my appendages with his sword when we get back to Isle Esme? Because I am quite attached to all of them."

Another little giggle. "Believe me, no one will be cutting off anything or they will have to answer to me. I must say I am quite fond of your, uhh…" She looked down at my cock and then back to my face. I could _feel _what would have been her blush had she been human. "Appendages as well."

I leaned in and gave her another kiss, plucking the feather from her hat, tracing it up and down her thigh.

"Besides, Rosalie got to have her fun with Edward today. I am anxious to see how all that sexual tension played out between the two of them."

"You amaze me Captain Bella. You aren't jealous at all."

"Nope. Plus, it means I get to have a go at Emmett one day. I want to really try out my newborn strength on him before it fades away completely. And I don't mean arm wrestling."

"You know I am quite strong myself, perhaps you should use me as a practice run before you tackle Em."

"Aye, Aye Captain." She said as she placed the hat on my head, lying back on the silk once more.

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Edward POV

I can't believe this. I can't believe I let my little girl sucker me into giving her a birthday party based on…_pirates_ - something I knew that Emmett and Alice would go overboard on.

I could hear Em's voice reverberate in my head…_We can't just __go__ over to Bajere…we have to take a boat. Walking's just not the __same__…"_

I sighed as I realized how much easier it would've been had we just _walked_ over to the island. But no. We used the damn boat that was decked out with the pirate flag, cannons and parrots. Not just one parrot either. There was several flying about. Oh and not to mention our stupid eye patches. I swear, if Renesmee wasn't having such a wonderful time, I'd call this whole damn thing off.

I cleared my head as I searched around the island for my treasure. Carlisle really outdid himself with naming the island. I mean, Bajere was a really cool name and it was a bit honoring to have it named after you…sort of. Well, that's how we thought of it. Rosalie was just pissed it didn't start with her initial. God, she could be a bitch sometimes, I swear…thank God I didn't get paired up with her for my forever, because honestly? That would've been hell.

I looked down at my map and realized that I was close to her. I was really excited to spend some private time with Bella. Having a daughter around, with all of your siblings who had superb hearing could really put a damper on your love life. And I needed some love…now.

I pushed on, finding a path and parting some leaves that were growing around when I came upon her.

Rose.

Not Bella.

"Rose? What the hell are you doing here? You're not Bella!"

_No shit, Sherlock. And you're not Emmett. _Her thoughts were just as cutting – even if she weren't saying them out loud.

"Okay, well, no problem, maybe we just got our maps confused."

"Me thinks there be no confusion, ye scurvy dog. Yer bonnie lass's color was purple and yer's be blue, as is mine."

I rolled my eyes. "Rose, I'm not doing the pirate talk now, especially since Ness isn't around. And what do you mean her color was purple? That was Jasper's color..."

"I don't know what's going on either, dickwad, but the least you could do is lighten up. You're always such a tight ass about everything…a real stick in the mud if you ask me. It wouldn't kill you to talk and act like a pirate, if even for a day."

I glared right back at Rose, ready to fight with her _again_. It seems like we've always argued with one another, but for the last decade or so, it's gotten worse. And this time, there were no referees around us.

"You know, it's not my problem if I don't want to go around sounding like an idiot all day long. I never understood the fascination of pirates and I don't think I ever will. All they did was plunder and drank all day long. What's the great thing about that?"

Rose marched herself closer to me, fire and fury in her eyes. I took in her appearance and realized she hardly had on a stitch of clothing. Her serving wench's outfit covered up the most vital parts on her body, but I knew all it would take was one swipe of my hand and the whole thing would come apart…

"It's just fun, Edward! Don't you understand the concept of fun? God, I swear, I have no idea how Bella puts up with you. You have no concept of the word 'spontaneous'. I would've given you up by now."

"Whatever. I don't have to take this. I'm out of here."

I turned to make my way back out to shore when a flittering thought passed Rose's mind. I'd never seen anything like it before, but obviously, it slipped past her defenses.

I quickly turned my head and stared at her. "What was that?"

She looked like a kid caught with her hand in a cookie jar. "Nothing."

I smirked. "Oh, that was something Rose. Why were you thinking of me, with no clothes on, fucking you like some kind of animal?"

She huffed. "I was not. You're mistaken. I would never, ever, ever think of you that way. You don't interest me sexually in the slightest."

"Is that so? I don't believe you, you know. I know what I saw. You want to know what I'm like in bed. You want to know if I could be wild and reckless and ravage you like there's no tomorrow…don't you?"

Her composure faltered as she took a slight step back. "No, I don't. I don't know what the hell you're talking about. You're just making things up in your head because you're so full of yourself. Always have been and always will be."

Nevertheless, I smelt her arousal all around me. I knew she was just as turned on as I was by our bickering with each other. And now that I knew she wanted me as well…

I closed my mind and searched for the one person that could possibly give me answers.

Alice.

_Yes, Edward, I'm here. And don't worry, all is taken care of. You go ahead and do what you want with Rose. Believe me, Jasper is sparing no expense when it comes to Bella and no, she will not be upset. Now, go and relieve that sexual frustration the two of you have had with one another all these years. _

I opened my eyes, and thought about what she just told me. Jasper and Bella hmm? I knew he was interested in her a bit more than a 'brotherly way'. Well, if it was okay with everyone else…who was I to stop them?

"Okay, well, whatever. But before I go, I wondered if I could at least use the thing that I was supposed to find for us?"

Her eyes narrowed. "What's that?"

I unhooked my bandana from around my neck and showed it to her. "Apparently, it's this bandana right here."

"What do you want to do with it?" She asked warily.

I smiled. "Just trust me, Rose, okay?"

I heard her going through lots of different scenarios in her mind, finally settling on taking a chance and letting me blindfold her. Once I was done, I asked her to lie down in the sand.

"Why?"

"Just do it, Rose. It's not going to kill you to do what I want for once, is it? I promise you'll enjoy the outcome."

Again, I could smell her scent pouring out of her. I stifled a groan as I laid her down how I wanted her. I took out the rope that Jasper handed to me, remembering that he said that Alice had told him I would need it today. She was right. As usual.

I took Rose's arms and tied them down to the palm trees around us and did the same for her legs. I knew, of course, that they wouldn't necessarily hold her down…but it was the thought that she was bound that was the exciting thing.

"There…all done."

Rose wiggled a bit on the ground, trying out her binds. "What are you…?"

"Did yer Captain ask ye to speak, wench?"

I heard her sharp intake of breath as her thoughts rolled around a mile a minute. But when her thoughts settled, it came down to one thing. She wanted this. She wanted me and I her.

"Nay, Captain."

"Yer t'lay back and open ye legs for me…savvy?"

"Aye, aye…"

I started with her top and tore off what was covering her full chest. Her beautiful perky breasts popped out, her pink nipples hard. I leaned down and quickly took them into my mouth, not able to fit it all in. Her hips were bucking into me in earnest.

While my lips were still attached to her nipple, I tore off what was left of her outfit, leaving her wet pussy bare and open for me.

I made my way down and quickly plunged my tongue into her, wanting to taste what had been denied me for so many years.

"Ye be tastin' like sweet honey…" I said. Hmm…I might be able to get into this pirate speak after all.

She moaned and bucked her hips up to me. "More…more, please, Cap'n."

I grabbed her hips and using all my strength and speed, I pushed and flicked and sucked my mouth all over her, sending her three orgasms, one right after another. I drank her down completely, letting her venom coat me.

I stood up then and shed all my clothes off. My dick was standing at full attention, needing to be used. Rose's legs were spread open for me, still glistening from the attention I gave her moments before.

I positioned myself at her entrance and leaned over her, her blindfold still over her eyes and her blond hair splayed out before me. I leaned into her ear and whispered, "Ye be need'n a good fucking, aye?"

I felt her nod, her hips squeezing mine as hard as she could with what little bit of length I'd given her on the rope attached to her ankles. The grin was covering my whole face. She was egging me on.

With no warning, I grabbed onto her hips and shoving myself into her. "Fuck…Rose…shit. You're…so…tight."

"God…fuck…Edward."

I tightened my grip on her hips, knowing full well I was using more strength than necessary but knew she enjoyed the pain. Her thoughts were telling me all that I needed to know.

I shoved myself into her, going harder and faster but I wanted more. I reached over and quickly cut all the ropes off that were tied to her and yanked off her blindfold.

Her thoughts of seeing me totally naked and sheathed inside of her were very flattering and erotic as hell. Seeing myself through her eyes turned me on even more and gave me the courage I needed to do what I wanted.

"Turn around and get on your knees…NOW."

She quickly jumped and turned herself around, her ass now up in the air. Without another thought, I plunged into her and she cried out. Grabbing her hair, I fucked her as hard and as fast as I could. Our panting was becoming erratic and I knew she was close, as was I.

"Cum for me, Rose. I want to feel your cum all around my cock."

She came - hard, screaming out my name as I gushed out inside of her. She fell down once I let her go, as I was the one holding the majority of her weight. I laid myself down beside her as we processed what just happened between us.

After a few moments, I heard Rose think, _Wow…it seems as I was wrong. You really can do spontaneous when you want to. Bella's a lucky girl._

I let out a small laugh as I said, "Well, Emmett's got no shy girl either. You really are a firecracker in bed. I'll have to tell Em he was right."

We laughed at the absurdity of it all. We got up and dressed and seeing as I tore apart all of Rose's clothing, I gave her my shirt to wear.

"You know, I'm really glad we had this pirate party, even if you don't like it, Edward."

"Well, I'm only doing it for Ness. I had no idea she really enjoyed pirates, really. I'll have to see where her inspiration comes from."

Again, a flittering thought passed through Rose's mind.

Emmett…and Ness.

Emmett telling Ness all about pirates…

Then, Emmett convincing Ness to have a pirate themed party…

"Rose…"

"Shit! Edward, don't kill him!!"

I took off at a dead run. Emmett was dead. Or deader…

**

* * *

**

Esme POV

I flipped off the light to the blue bedroom, leaving only the moonlight to stream down upon Jacob and Nessie's sleeping forms. I secretly hoped that Edward would not be upset that I had let them sleep in the same bed, but after the full afternoon on the beach, they had fallen asleep quickly, snuggled together and I hated to wake them. Besides, Nessie still looked like a seven or eight year old, Jacob's feelings weren't like that. I'm the closest thing this ragamuffin bunch has to a mother. I know trouble when I see it, and Jacob isn't that.

I stepped upon the porch, feeling a pair of warm arms encircle my waist. "Ahoy there, me lassie, ye have some treasure for yer Cap'n?"

I turned, staring into his golden eyes. He was honestly the most perfect creature in all of existence. "Aye, Captain. Tho' me thinks we aught not, we be fixin' to have comp'ny."

The far off sound of a motorboat echoed through the air along with intermingled voices of laughter.

"Yer Captain twasn't exactly asking." He murmured as he grabbed a handful of the skirt I was wearing, swiftly burying two fingers into my wet folds.

His fingers moved rapidly in and out, quickly bringing me to orgasm. Slowly, he lowered my skirt, which I promptly hoisted again. The look in his eyes said it all.

I hooked my fingers into the waistband of his pants, deftly popping the buttons as they slid to the ground. In one fluid movement, he had me hoisted in his arms as he slid his length into me.

Up and down he moved me on his rigid cock. My hair swayed behind me as our movements reached a frenzy peak.

"Ugh…Esme," He groaned as he exploded inside of me.

We had just readjusted our clothes when we heard our children coming up from the beach.

"Damn it, Emmett. Did you have to fuck her leg off?"

"Give it a rest, Jasper. It's not like you didn't get your brains screwed out by Bella this afternoon." I noticed Emmett had Alice's leg thrown over his shoulder and she was hobbling beside Jasper, sporting the peg leg.

"It's no biggie, Jazzy, see." She pulled off the wooden leg and quickly reattached her own.

All three couples stopped at the porch, and I was greeted with six smirks. I knew that they didn't have to be mind readers like Edward to know what had just happened.

"So did you all have fun this afternoon finding your treasure?" Carlisle asked.

"Aye, we did. However, would you care to tell why you decided to switch our mates?" Edward asked, quickly adding, 'not that I minded' when Rose gave him a quick jab to the ribs with her elbow.

"Switched, what are you talking about?" I noticed the confused look on Carlisle's face and silently wondered how far of a head start down the beach I could get before the group figured it out.

"Esme…" Edward's voice lifted in question. _Apparently not very far. _

"Esme, what did you do?" Carlisle questioned.

"Well…we had such a good time with Carmen and Eleazar the last time we went to Alaska, I just figured the children might like a change as well. So I switched the ribbons on the maps." My voice trailed off at my confession. "I'm sorry. I just thought it would be fun."

I was suddenly surrounded by my entire family.

"We had a wonderful afternoon, Esme. Thank you so much." Bella said tightly hugging my waist while softly stroking Jasper's cheek

"Actually, we did also, _unbelievably_." Rose said giving Edward a bump with her hip. He just rolled his eyes at her.

"Need you even ask? I fucked her leg off her body. I had a fuckawesome time!" Em chortled, swinging the peg leg around like a baseball bat.

"Arggh, me wench. Yer Cap'n not be likin' yer keepin'secrets." Carlisle said as he picked me up, throwing me over one shoulder and heading down towards the beach.

"Carlisle…what are you…? Oh no you don't! Don't you dare throw me in that water!"

"Aye, ye be about to walk the plank."

He waded in to the ocean until it was almost thigh high. Desperately I grabbed at his neck as all three couples surrounded us.

"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me." Emmett started singing.

Everyone stopped and turned to look at Em. A mischievous grin crossed his face as Edward dove for him, dunking him into the surf.

As they both emerged, Edward with his hands wrapped around Emmett's neck, Alice started jumping wildly, her tiny hands splashing the water around her.

"What exactly are we missing here, guys?" I asked.

"Emmett has promised Nessie we will take her to Disney World for Halloween." Alice squealed.

And with that Carlisle dropped me into the ocean.

* * *

**AN2: Who wants to see the Cullens in Disney, Vamped out? Don't forget to review and show us love, let us know if you want us to write it! Also, don't forget to vote and check out the other entries. And if you're a writer, WRITE ONE! This is an AWESOME contest! Please, give these ladies some more entries so we can have more fun aboard the high seas!!!**


	2. Chapter 2 AN PLEASE READ

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